


Since you last felt like you were home

by Lady_Elwing



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Home, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22607437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Elwing/pseuds/Lady_Elwing
Summary: Obi Wan has a nagging feeling about Anakin's involvement with Padmé. Who can he confide in when he knows the consequences his former padawan will have to face if other jedi found out?
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Sabé, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Sabé
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Since you last felt like you were home

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written about the Star Wars universe. I hope this piece fits... I've missed thinking about Obi Wan and Sabé so I decided to write about them. It was inspired from that moment in ROTS when Obi Wan states to Padmé “Anakin is the father isn't he?“, it's a rhetorical question... And it breaks my heart for poor Obi. 
> 
> The title is a quote from First Aid Kit's song 'Nothing Has to be True'.

The feeling that something was wrong was lingering in the air. He couldn’t chase it away with meditation and even in the hallway of the jedi temple it weighed heavy on him.

It couldn’t be true…

He stopped at the corner to look out of the bay window and the trafic. He could hear Master Qui Gon, his former beloved master, as if he were standing next to him : “Focus on here and now.“

But it was here, and it wouldn’t leave him alone. He had to talk to Anakin. He had to…

Force, he didn’t want to face it. No. But he already knew, didn’t he? Without even reading it in Padmé, he had known it.

But the endless war, far too many losses… There were countless excuses. Anakin wasn’t his padawan anymore. He wasn’t his responsibility anymore. He turned away from the window, he saw Master Yoda tottering about. The small master paused to look at him, there was concern in his eyes. Obi Wan nodded. And the green master went on.

In Master Yoda’s eyes, Obi Wan will always remain a padawan or that barely standing far too young master in charge of a special padawan. It was reassuring, heartwarming. And yet, it reminded him of his all concern for his former padawan. 

But he couldn’t tell anyone. No. 

Jedi didn’t form attachment, preferences. They didn’t hate. Yet, Anakin Skywalker didn’t leave anyone indifferent.

If word spread. Obi Wan shook his head. There wasn’t anyone he could talk to about this. Yet he needed to say it out loud, to let it sink in.

But there was no one he could talk to.

He walked, keeping his gaze averted and his thoughts hidden even from himself. 

“…. No padawan. A jedi does not become a… What did you call it? Fan of someone. A padawan works hard and aim to follow the footsteps of other jedi.“

“But master, Lady Sabé is so cool.“

Sabé… Sabé, Padmé Amidala’s decoy would know. Sabé, Obi Wan’s only true friend outside the order, would know. Sabé.

But Sabé was the one person in the whole universe he was trying to avoid. Since that kiss, he had made sure there was always enough distance between them for nothing untoward to happen again.

And yet, it would be a lie to even think that he had escaped unscathed from that kiss. Oh no, it haunted him enough to know that it was a good thing to keep away from Sabé.

And yet she was the only one he wanted to see, to talk to. So instead, he did the one thing people seldom did in Coruscant : he went for a walk.

He walked without being noticed and without noticing the day fading into darkness.

Sabé couldn’t sleep. Truth was, she hated the constant noise and lights of Coruscant. A feeling had been growing in her ever since she had returned from her last battle. Padmé would say it was because war had that effect on people. But no, at this point… What could it be? She sat up and stretched her arms over her head. Ouch. Yes her back was still painful. That’s why she was back in the ‘belly of the beast’: to mend and rest.

She stood up and went to the kitchen and poured herself some blue juice. It always perked her up. The odd feeling wasn’t leaving her. It was as if someone was standing right behind her, but she could whirl in her tiny dark kitchen but nobody was around. Nor was anyone in her sitting room. 

Maybe it would be a good idea to contact the head of security in charge of protecting Padmé. They were cousins but more like sisters. Maybe that nagging feeling. Oh damn it! She needed to check the closet in the hall by the entrance. It was silly but her handmaiden instincts would remain with her forever, she was convinced of it. Nothing, of course there was nothing.

“You know what Sabé? You might as well check the front door,“ she muttered at her herself as she slammed her hand against the switch. The door wooshed open and she jumped back, reaching for the emergency blaster she kept behind her fake flowers.

“What !?“

“Sabé, Sabé,“ he whispered his name, raising his hands. If it weren’t for a wave of calm that had hit her, she would have had a heart attack.

“Obi Wan! Why are you at my doorstep at… 3 am in the morning? Have you gone insane…“ and her heart started beating too fast again, “is Padmé alright? I had this bad feeling and…“

“Everything alright Sabé. I was just wondering…“ and he walked in as if she had invited him in, as if she was not standing in front of him with her silk negligé and a blaster pointed at him, “if you had any tea by chance.“

“What?“ She was usually more composed but this wasn’t usual. She dropped her weapon and left it in its hiding space. 

“Tea? I’m having some kind of crisis and I need your counsel.“

“Mine?“ she closed the door and turned around. He was in her dark sitting room looking out of the wide bay windows.

“Yours, dear friend,“ and he looked at her with his boyish smile - she had no idea how he still had it in spite of the darkness and heartache - “I’ll make the tea and you… you..“ Did he flinch? Did he blush? Did his eyes widen? Or was she still dreaming?“ can find something warmer to wear.“

“Good idea,“ she huffed and sped to her bedroom to escape from his frank gaze. Good Force, he’d be stern if he had noticed she still thought of their kiss and that childish mistake. Oh but that kiss, she stood in her dark room with a smile on her face. That kiss!

Who knew jedi master knew how to kiss so well!

It could never be forgotten.

Distantly she heard the clanking of cups and she was brought back to the present. No, there were not lovers. They were good friend. This is all they can ever be, according to Obi Wan. She wasn’t sure she agreed. She rummaged in her closet and went back to the kitchen wearing a comfortable jogging suit.

Obi Wan was pouring the tea in the cups, intent on his task like he always was. Gentle measured gestures. She sat down in font of him and looked at his worn face. Yes, his eyes would always have a childish gleam, to her, but war had also left its imprint on his face. She sighed.

“I’m sorry for waking you up Sabé.“

“Oh no, I’m fine.“ She smiled and he finally met her gaze, “what’s wrong Obi Wan?“

He looked at her, his smile faltering but he didn’t speak. She tilted he head to the side and peered right back.

Silence was stretching, and wrapping around them, like a mantle. Keeping them from saying what shouldn’t be said. It was a comfortable silence…. For now.

“Have you seen Padmé lately….“ His voice was hushed, and it made her shiver. She nodded and she knew why he was asking this. Her dear old friend wasn’t one to gossip or judge. He was the best jedi master she knew, and she knew very well from which ashes he had risen. She could never forget comforting that very young padawan who couldn’t admit his heart was breaking. Jedi didn’t feel sad, they had the Force. Those tears had spilled out in spite of all this, and she had been there to catch them before they were lost forever.

She shook her head, it was really too late to stay focused. Padmé… Oh Padmé.

“I know first hand how loyal you are to your cousin. I know how you were raised and trained…“ and his voice trailed off, his gaze dropping to his cup.

She poured him more tea. 

He watched her graceful movements although he could see that something was hampering her. Her back. He had heard of Sabé Naberrie’s war exploits. She was relentless and never knew fear. Even now she was watching him intently as she stilled again. He could feel her wave of physical pain, and how well she guarded her feelings and thoughts. 

He hadn’t come here to make Sabé talk. He could if he had to come to this. But he wouldn’t ever use his skills on her. No, he hadn’t come here for answer. He had come here to speak and listen to the echoes of his own words. Somehow, she was like a haven to him. Like the temple only living. The jedi temple had been so far away when his world had collapsed as Qui Gon had breathed his last, leaving him a responsibility he hadn’t chosen. Leaving him with nothing but silence. And the Force who had stilled as Sabé had embraced him. So long ago… 

“I know how loyal you are so I’m not asking you. I am merely… saying what I cannot say elsewhere.“ He closed his eyes, “Anakin is the father, isn’t he?“ His eyes fluttered open but she was looking away. Force, she was so beautiful. That fierce look, flashing eyes and that sad mouth. Sabé, dear Sabé. He was losing his focus. He took a deep breath in and turned his attention inward, to the Force.

Of course he knew the truth. He had known it for a long time. It was always there on the edge of his perception, on the edge of the here and now. His now long gone Master would have told him to focus on the present. But what would he say now?

What could be possibly said?

Obi Wan sipped more tea but it taste bitter, oh so bitter. Like the endless war, the battles, the loss of what being a jedi meant. And now this final blow. 

“It’s not what you think…“ she mumbled and he looked up, to find those dark glimmering eyes trying hard to catch his.

“It’s alright Sabé. This isn’t your secret to tell. I just…“ and he didn’t continue. He was a master jedi. He had the Force. He would be alright in time, and find a way to handle this. He stood up,“ I apologize for waking you up my dear friend.“ 

She was also standing in front of him. Her eyes now full of sleep, and another wave of pain making her flinch. Without a thought, facing her, he gently placed a hand between her shoulder blade. He could feel her searing pain and the exhaustion. He heard her sigh :

“Oh. Thank you Obi Wan…“ He smiled her gentle voice like a flutter of wings against his heart. He couldn’t blame Anakin or he would have to accept that he was a hypocrite. The flash of thought humbled him. 

He didn’t move his hand as he took in her beaming face, those eyes and those inviting lips. It would be a comfort indeed to let himself slip. Just this once, let his heat melt into hers. But could he ever emerged from the immense ocean in her depth? He froze as she leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Will you be alright Obi Wan ?“

“Tomorrow will tell,“ he offered her a wry smile as he reluctantly pulled his hand away from her back and took a step back. Yet the gentle flowery scent had invaded his senses. He knew he would never truly be free of her. He would carry her in his heart, always. It wasn’t such a bad thing, was it?

He couldn’t blame Anakin for being a human. No, there were no blames. But there was the terrifying possibility of what love could do to someone like Anakin. That little boy, too old but too young to lose so much. 

Was love a gift from the Force or a curse? Could Obi Wan find the answer in Sabé’s soothing and warm presence. There was nothing dark here, only this warm glow that made him calmer. 

“You are always stoic. Do you know that I always tell myself…. In battle or anywhere else : what would The Negotiator do?“ That twinkle in her eyes, brighter than any star, he could star into it forever… He smiled back. 

“I’m glad to be of help. But I have to say that you are the talk of the temple. Many younglings aspire to be like the great Lady Sabé.“ 

“Lady ?“ She grimaced, “Lieutenant.“

“Well done… Although,“ he felt a wave of sadness at what war could do to the brightest of stars, “I have higher hopes for you.“

She knew he didn’t mean badly. He had always applauded her bravery. But he was known for his wariness of war.

“I also have higher hopes for you master jedi.“ she muttered. General Kenobi. What a terrible name for a man that always made her feel peaceful and safe. 

He nodded and bowed his head. Of course, he’d humbly take the retort and she instantly regretted it. 

“We seem to have chosen very similar paths…“ He whispered and he was quiet again, his eyes were a safe harbor from the boiling universe. 

Anakin and Padmé were forgotten. 

“Why did you come here?“ The question surprised her and annoyed her : why did she have to break that gentle moment between them. But she had to ask? Why come back to her after turning his back on their kiss and budding feelings? Why return after leaving her in the dark cold of space?

“It was the only place I could think of.“ he was looking away but she leaned into him, and as she let her face nestle against his chest, she heard him whisper, “ it was the only place where it felt like home.“ His voice drifted in her mind, as if he were talking through an invisible bond that existed between them, “you are home, Sabé.“

He didn’t pull away, he didn’t push her away, instead he wrapped his arms around her. They stood like this for a long time. Sabé closed her eyes. 

Home. Was she his home? But jedi were homeless, belonging to the universe. What was home? Home…  
She was so far away from Naboo, so far away from her fellow handmaidens. Only now, in Obi Wan’s arms she realized how homesick she had been. She clung to him with all her might, her eyes still closed, lulled by the steady beat of his heart. So this was how one felt when one returned home.

When she woke up again, she was in her bed, wrapped under comforter. She blinked and sat up. What a dream! What a real dream! It had been awhile since she had last dreamt of Obi Wan… Why now?

As she looked down she realized she wasn’t wearing her usual night apparel. No, instead she was wearing her old jogging suit. There was the faint smell of myrrhe on the collar and the pain in her back was gone.

Dear Obi Wan…


End file.
